Gah!

Do I say that a lot?  This year... I'm trying to be grateful for what I have and stuff.  Sorry, it's late and I only have a few minutes before I have to go to bed with Madi.

Who has been sick all week and hasn't slept well since... Saturday?  Sweet murgatroid.

Anyway, yes, grateful, optimistic, moving forward. I am hoping to go back to work in January.  Working will help me pay for my new tooth.

And I had to be really honest with myself.  Pedro wants me to stay home with the girls next summer but I really don't want to.  Really.  Don't. Want. To.  I find it a mild form of torture to be with my kids all day.  That used to make me feel really guilty.  Not so much anymore.  Some people are great at cooking, some people are great at singing, some are great at parenting.  I am not.  It just kind of hit me one day.  I was so guilty, why don't I want to be around my kids all day, waaah.  Then I was like, I don't have to want to be around them all the time.  It doesn't make me a bad person.  I'd rather find them great childcare and a job that helps us live a little better and put money in savings for the girls. 

You know?

Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. 

Anyway, my few minutes of peace and quiet has already been disrupted.  Sigh.  I know.  I didn't mean for this to be so whiny.  But there it is.

Me vs the Printer

I won.

Coffee makers

So my old Keurig picked my ass about cleaning it.  The cleaning light came on all the damn time and when I did clean it, it still didn't work.  So I threw it in the trash.  That's right, RIGHT IN THE TRASH.

So now I have a perfectly respectable work-horse coffee maker: Mr Coffee.  And the cleaning light comes on, and I unplug the machine and the pesky light goes away.

What?

(Full disclosure: I'm more like my dad than I'd feel comfortable admitting out loud)

So, I finally decide to use some vinegar to clean said coffee maker, as there's some discoloration on the part that tells me how much water is in there and that makes it hard to prepare at night when I'm in a rush.  Just trust me.  I do the whole vinegar thing and it's still discolored, so I innocently reach into the thing so see what's going on.

Sweet mother of Starbucks.

THERE WAS POND SCUM ON EVERYTHING!

I use filtered fracking water.  All the time.  What the hell.  So I spent last night and this morning scrubbing it out.  I mean, disgusting.  Beyond disgusting.  I had no idea water could do that.  Shit, it's not like water sits in there for weeks at a time.  Ugh.

I mean, what the hell is in our water????

So anyway this morning my coffee, tastes like coffee.  Pedro asked me if I like having the plague in my cup.  *eyes*

Just in case any of you are like me, please, clean your coffee makers (or throw them out and get new ones, I'm easy like that)

Jingle Bells! But mostly butterflies.

Okay, that Christmas cheer was feigned. Sorry.  It's what December 15? And we still don't have a Christmas tree. Don't get me wrong. Life has been crazy busy.  But I'd like to get moving on Christmas before it's over.  That's all I'm saying.

My last day of work for the year was on Friday.  I hope to be going back in January once the girls have started school, which is January 6th?  So I have three weeks off.  Three weeks off!  Sonia that sounds great!  Well, most of that is with my family so settle down.  Madi still requires CONSTANT supervision.  And of course, I can't do that.  Can anyone?  So she still destroys things and makes my life that much more hellish.  Oh yeah, I said it.

Wow, today is the morning of my discontent?

So anyhoo, I needs to find the Christmas pics we had taken last night.  There we go! 

I LOVE Lily's cheesy grin.  We got Madi to kind of smile by shouting "butterfiles!" at her.  She loves butterflies and loves saying the word.  And yes, somehow I did some weird zebra/leopard thing there with the girls' dresses.  Whatever.  We're WILD and we know it.

ah hahahahahahahah 

Whatever.

Aaaannnnndddd GO!

Crap.  I only have a few minutes while Madi is in the shower.  I haven't had ANY time to myself.  Well, that's not totally true.  I do drive 30 minutes each way to and from work and that's by myself. 

Yay!

Then I get to go to the bathroom by myself. 

Yay!

How am I doing?  Okay.  Yes I'm stressed and I yell a bit but I've worked two weeks for the first time in seven years and it's Lily's birthday week. 

And we have a giant hole in the hall bathroom wall.

And we've ordered a new bunk bed for Lily.

And I had to go shopping after work for mattresses (coolest mattress salesperson ever, she made it fun)

And I had my tattoo finished.  Okay, that one was for me.  But still I didn't get home until 7:30.

I am worn out!  So yes, I bicker and snip a bit.  You don't get paid your first week, it has to process.  So today, after two weeks of working I got paid!  Sweet fancy moses, did THAT feel good!

I forgot what my point was.  Lily is seven, I took her and her sister to school with a butt load of cupcakes (not really carried in my butt) then made it to work.  Then worked all day, picked up some Chinese food for dinner and I'm resting a bit while I clean up the house for company tomorrow. 

Whee mother fucking doggies.

Do I feel bad that I"m not home anymore?  Not really.  I miss the me time but Pedro gets home before them so he gets a little time, then he watches them and makes dinner.  It's like they get more of their dad?  Which isn't a bad thing.  This has been a chaotic time.  I'm looking forward to how things feel once work feels more natural and there are no more holes in walls.  :)

I hear Madi tearing around so I'd better get back to it.  Peace!

New Normal?

So today was my first day of work in seven years. Yes, being a mom is very busy, but no one cares if you do the laundry at 2am or 2pm. So this took some planning and preparedness. Pedro leaves early and gets home early to get the girls off the bus. Tonight he started dinner. Well, made dinner.

I guess I should give myself a pat on the back for planning things and/or consider the fact that I didn't work until 930. Getting there by 9 tomorrow should be different.

Am I making sense? I'm a little distracted. Lunches are ready for tomorrow and coffee is prepped. Whee doggies.

So this whole employment thing is an ego boost I needed. Yes, I could go out find a job, organize my life and make it there on time. Yes I know, kids will be sick and there will be appointments we have to make. But, for the most part, I did it. I'm extremely proud of myself. It's intimidating after so many years off.

This is the first step in my goal to take over the universe. :)

That's not my name...

Don't call me the maid.  I hate that.  I just spent 2 hours, TWO HOURS, vacuuming and steam cleaning the carpets.  Yes, they needed it.  Why did I do this?  Because Pedro and the girls are in Yorktown and I can do this stuff without being interrupted or yelled at (Madi).  Okay, Brewster brought me a lot of things.  When I don't have a roll of toilet paper in the bathroom I'll know who to thank.

So, holy crap, I have a night/day to myself.  What did I do?  Laundry, dishes, carpets.  I just felt too guilty sitting down and doing nothing.  Don't get me wrong, I was catching up on Supernatural on Netflix.  But I paused it and cleaned up.  I couldn't do nothing when the opportunity to do SOMETHING was there.  Madi doesn't like it when she can't get to me.  So she throws fits when I hang up clothes in Lily's room, or put dishes away in the kitchen.

We are working on this but in the meantime, it's a pain in the ass.

Ahhh Benny from Supernatural.  Okay, I can continue.

I get that other people have to clean their houses.  Some may get more or less help than me.  I think in the past I've wished not to do this or grumbled about waiting for when this ends.  But let's be honest.  It's not going to end.  I know, I was shocked too.  My new thing is instead of wasting time complaining, let's fix this shit.  I was thinking about a chart to make Lily so that she can earn an allowance.  If it's too hard for her to keep her room clean, then she needs more drawers and/or less stuff.  Let's do it.

I wish I hadn't got Brewster, because he does add to my workload.  And no, I'm not hanging his ass outside to live.  We don't roll like that.  He's a member of the family or he's not.  And he's curled up beside me on the floor so it's not like he has it really bad.  :)  Really badly?  I need to go back to school.

Anyhoo, I did sleep nine hours.  Nine freaking hours!  It was incredible.  I find, though, when I get sleep I'm more aware of how tired and sore I really am.  When I'm operating on a skeleton crew of neurons, which is most of the time, most of my resources are focused on keeping me moving.  Does that make sense? 

I'm feeling very productive because I'm updating the blog while I'm on hold for US Cellular.  ha!

I do feel overwhelmed a lot of the time.  There's so much to do.  The trim in the hall needs another layer of paint.  I need to clean the dog stink off of the wall (he rubs on it and discolors it?).  OMG I just looked ahead at the mess of my desk.  LOL  Forget I said anything.  Good grief.

However

I do want to say that I'm grateful for the situation that I'm in.  I do have a husband that helps out, a home and two relatively healthy kids.  I can sleep during the day if I want to.

It sucks that everything seems to be happening at once, but that seems pretty normal, right?  Also, I've had two cups of coffee so I'm on that caffeine upswing: everything is possible!!! (with cream and sugar)

I am glad for that nap even if it made me feel how tired I am.  I think I was trying to push myself and see what it would be like to not get sleep and push through my day but likely I'll find that out without practicing for it so I'll grab my sleep while I can.

Alright, time to pull up stakes.  Wagons, ho!  (at the garden, nobody freak out)

Is it raining or pouring?

I got my new, NEW start date for next Monday, the 7th of October.  I'm glad and not.  Glad because I needed that three hour nap that I just had.  Not so because I busted my hump trying to get everything done before my old new start date. 

Do other parents find it hard to draw the line between the self and obligations?  I have so much on my plate right now that there's really no time to be sleeping.  Hall bathroom wall has a big hole in it, the floor is ripped up (obviously, trying to dry it out and find the leak)  The kitchen is in serious need of an update and more storage; almost every homework packet Lily has brought home we have lost.  At least once.  I think I need to break down my garden.  It's become increasingly obvious that I can't keep that garden up and work so I need to clear it and get my stuff out.  Of which, there is a lot.

What else?  Well the whole Madi sleep thing.  We stopped trazodone in the summer because of her behavioral issues and now she uses melatonin but her system doesn't always cooperate with that either.  Pedro is sick so I've tried to let him heal up with sleep. 

:exhale:

So there's a lot going on.  I'm sure I've forgotten... oh yeah, my passport expires in 5 months, trying to do that paperwork too.  Snort. 

As far as I can tell, this has been a year of me learning to say no.  I love helping people.  Some of you who know me are probably rolling your eyes thinking, "I'm pretty sure I've heard her tell panhandlers to F off".  Well, I don't like supporting people's habits.  So there. 

That was a tangent.

Anyhoo, I hold doors open for people, wait for nincompoops to cross in a crosswalk, offer to help people carrying things.  It doesn't hurt me, as a rule, and everyone wins.  Right?

But I do this to the detriment of my own life and the people close to me.  I had to take an honest look at everything and realize, holy shit, I don't have time now to do everything, why am I trying to do more?  So I've started pulling back.  And I felt so guilty for sleeping this morning, but had to reassure myself that I need rest too. 

This a fairly rambling post.  I think my sort of point is that OMG there's a lot to do.  Doing my best (motto!) and trying to do right by the people who really need me (family!) and trying to live each day as fully as I can (cuz you just never know).

Peace, motha truckas!

Well, hmpf

Okay, I have this recent obsession with furs.  I'm not really sure what sparked it although I think I can lay the blame on the show Mob Wives.  Anyhoo, I didn't want to spend a ton of money right off the bat when I don't know what I like or what I'm doing.  I didn't know a blush mink from a Norwegian fox.  I tell you what.  So, to start small, I ordered a coyote fling and a knit mink scarf.

Don't buy knit furs.  They kind of suck.  It's pretty but it's lower quality so the mesh that the fur is pulled through is scratchy.  Who wants that?  I could wear wool for that.  Jeesh.  So, here is my coyote. It's humongous and kind of silly but I love it.  It's not the greatest quality, the fur is kind of lumpy here and there but it's fuzzy and furry and I love it.  So does the dog but we won't go there.

Now, it's fall in Virginia which means quite cool mornings with temperate afternoons.  And I mean, COLD mornings.  So I've started wearing Mr Coyote out when I have errands.  Such as taking Madilyn back to school after an appointment.

I feel like some background is required.  My mom had an old silver fox stole that she let me play with, and I had a rabbit fur jacket.  My fifth grade teacher, Mrs Shields wore, upon occasion, a small mink stole to class.

They are not that out of place to me.  So cue me entering the school.

I swear.  No one knew where to look, it's like they couldn't meet my eyes.  I think I caused a few classes just to stop and gawk at me.  Shouts of "it's a bear!" echoed around the halls.  A few people were genuinely curious and asked what it was and if they could touch it.  Of course!  It's fur.  It's meant to be fun. * I won't go too much into detail about some conversations but apparently my $170 coyote stole means I'm super rich.  Um, no.

So, Wal-mart jeans aside (which I was wearing, incidentally) when I left the school I heard one of the coaches say "oooh la la" then I heard telling the kids it was a stole.  I think that's when I fled in the car.

Really?  This is Virginia.  Home to the NRA and lots of hunters.  It's THAT weird to wear, an admittedly cheap, fur?  I wasn't strolling down the hall in $20,000 worth of mink.  But I would if I could!  ha.  Just kidding.  No I'm not.  What?

Full disclosure: I am on my second glass of wine.

Am I going back and doing it again?  Hell. Yes.

* This is coyote.  A killer of cats and dogs and farm animals and I have no problem wearing it.

Ugh

We had another bad night with Madi.  Well, maybe bad isn't the word.  I think they went to bed around 9 and she was up at 4:30.  UP.  Pedro had to go to work so I was stuck with her.  Oh yeah, I said stuck with.

I knew, KNEW, she'd fall asleep around the time that the alarm would go off and she didn't disappoint me there.  She has a behavioral therapy appointment today.  Which is fine but it kind of screws up my day.  I know, I'm a sucky mom.  I don't live for their enjoyment.  Or something.  And I don't know if Melatonin is working so well.  I remember before I had kids, thinking that I'd NEVER pump them full of drugs just to make my life easier.  What drug are we on now?  We're a family and we have to function.  We all need sleep, even little poopie head. 

I want to go back to work.  Yes, I'd like some autonomy or whatever that word means (I've been up since 4:30 ho bags) but I also want to be able to take care of the family in case something happens to Pedro.  And how can two incomes be bad?  I know, I know.  Not if it something or other the family.  Look, Lily is tired of this crap and so am I.  It's like we're stuck in a rut.  So let's git this wagon down the road. 

I think I start work next week.  Not really sure.  I have been offered a job.  But they are still doing the background check.  weeeee!  Anyway, I could crash and burn or it could work out.  Just don't know.  But I'm tired of not trying things because of all the things that COULD go wrong. 

My other motto this year:  Do your best.  That's all I can do.  (Other motto: Let it go) 

I should write a book or some crap.

Alright, time to get to therapy!

Whoops

So, hunger and caffeine don't go together.  After making oatmeal for the second time (thanks oatmeal volcano in my microwave) I'm calming down a bit. 

I think that having a special needs kid can be stressful.  There are huge degrees of how a child's development can be affected.  And I would never compare them to each other.  Madi has a genetic deletion.  There's no getting around that.  But with therapy and school, she's gaining ground. 

My goal is to live the best life that I can with what I've got.  And what that means to me is, fixing what isn't working and letting the shit go that I can't control.  Neither of which is easy, by the way.

There isn't enough room in the kind sized bed for two kids and an adult anymore.  We need to move on that bunk bed quickly.  And we've been out to look at some but there's never exactly what we want or it's so expensive.  Pedro has things he's concerned about, I have mine.  But if life is going to get better, we need to move on that. 

I'm working on getting Madi that waiver.  I want to get both girls in a daycare.  It's doable, I just need to breathe and take one step at a time.  I think step #1 is nap. 

What?

O.M.G.

Breathe in, breathe out....

Holy smokes.  So Madi's teacher told me about this waiver you can get for your special needs child.  It helps cover expenses for equipment or respite care you may need while caring for them.

FOR THE LOVE OF APPLE PIE COULD THEY MAKE IT ANY HARDER????

Holy crap. 

Anyway, so I have called someone for the THIRD time.  He talks like Alvin the Chipmunk on crack.  After two calls I finally have his name right.  Okay, just the first one, but we're getting there. 

So this whole thing is stressful and makes my tummy feel funny.  I just want the waiver form so I can print it out and start on my quest for obscure doctor's notes and test results.  I don't want to have to read what other stuff you qualify for.  It's hard enough acknowledging the depth of her needs without considering how much worse it could gett.

I'm glad there are procedures in place (however shakily they may be implemented) that help with older caregivers.  Will I be able to handle a Madi tantrum when I'm 60?  I'd better keep on lifting weights.  Where will she live if she can't live with us?

Now, I know I drive myself into a tizzy.  Forest, trees, etc.  She's been talking a lot and I'm hoping it continues.  However, I think it's prudent to consider the what ifs so I'm prepared.  I have this driving concern about money.  It's not going to fix her but having it will go a lot longer to help with her care than having none.  Was that even English?  My stomach is still doing flips from those websites I had to comb through. 

Anyhoo, my damn point is that I want to go back to work.  I'm even willing to go back to school.  I want a good higher paying job that is flexible enough so I can deal with sick kids or staff days or whatever.  The reality is that none of us are getting younger.  I have some physical issues.  Pedro has his.  Madi is getting older and stronger. 

You know what I'm getting at.

Anyway, I think I need some bourbon in my next coffee.  Mercy.  For the longest time, I didn't want to go back to work simply because of trying to deal with all of these issues.  It's so much.  But, Madi is older and hopefully her development continues at a steady pace.  I'm trying to just be positive.  Whew.

I feel like going back to bed. 

The High Road

It sure ain't all it's cracked up to be.  I've worked really hard on making myself a better person.  And I don't mean better outwardly (although, I am cute) but being a happier, mentally healthier person.  So I can enjoy life and my family better.

This, of course, means that I've changed.  I don't think in huge ways, but I'm less likely to tolerate negativity, from myself or others, and therefore some relationships have become strained.  I have tried to make these work but the longer time goes on the worse it gets.

It's hard, isn't it?  Letting go.  But I've battled low self esteem for too long to slide back into unhealthy partnerships.  If I was being completely honest, part of me wants to scream fuck off!  But I'm trying to be mature and end things on a good note.

So far, this doesn't seem to be happening.  And it's funny, that I was talking to the behaviorist and he basically said the Kung Fu Panda thing "one often meets one's destiny on the path they take to avoid it".  (we were discussing something about Madi) No matter how hard I try to avoid this, it's coming.  No matter how hard I try to do the right thing, in my mind, it just is not working. 

Have you ever let yourself be hurt so that you don't hurt others and it just blows up in your face?  I've been like that for about a year.  I must have a masochistic streak that I didn't know about.  Anyway, I'm trying to do one more thing, just one more.  I'm trying to think of a literary equivalent.  The Old Man and the Sea?  (shut up) I will reel that damn fish in.  No.  This is about letting go. 

And I'm not really being hurt by this person because I see the negativity they are coming from.  I'm certainly tired of it.  People grow apart.  Some are willing to let go and move on and others are not. 

And this year has been about letting go....  Peace.

So...

I just had a peanut butter/nutella sandwich.  I think I managed to find the one combination that doesn't go together.  My stomach is making warning sounds.  I guess no gym for me!  Just kidding.  If I have to put up with old people smells, they can handle my rough morning.

What?

Crazy week ahead.  I tried vacuuming Saturday morning and the roller brush wouldn't move.  Every single damn vacuum I have ever had was easy enough to get apart so you could see if the band that turns the brush was broken or what.  Not this vacuum.  We loved it because it was a leaner build and easier to operate with great suction.  The screws were recessed and even when they were all out the damn thing wouldn't open.  I went all Hulk on it and uh, kind of broke it.  I guess it was the kind that you have to send out for servicing.  Well, screw that.

So vacuum shopping.  Fun or what?  Ugh.  PB Nutella burp.  oof

I also need to get something for Lily's class's basket that they auction off at the fall festival.  I have donated chocolate for Madi's class but keep on getting notes that they need more.  Tough crap if they ate it all.

I mean.  Whatever.

So I want to get some fuzzy dice for Lily's class but I just keep on forgetting.  Argh.  I also volunteered to man a both.  Was I high?  Good grief.  Crap.  And I have to help a friend print out some flyers and stuff for her booth since her printer isn't working.  Not that hard just need to remember.

Tomorrow, we see the behavioralist.  Wednesday, I get my next tattoo and it's going to take three hours.  However, it's going to be awesome and I'm very excited.  Thursday, I think I have free, but I'll probably be baking for Saturday's festival.  Friday, I want to go up to Orange with my friend Mandy to talk to a lady that owns her own coffee drive thru.  I think that with all of the demands on my time, having my own business isn't such a bad idea.  But I'm just getting ideas.  I could be open 6 til noon. Come home, grab a nap and be ready for the girls.  Just an idea.  :)

So yeah, I'm trying to chill on my future planning because I am in a tizzy.  I've done some soul searching and decided that I really need and sort of want, to place my family first in my life.  We're going to know each other for a long time, hopefully, so let's make it as good as we can.  :)

GAH!

I'm so tired but I promised myself that I would write in the blog today.

So, yesterday or today, who knows, Madi was playing with an empty toilet paper roll.  I took it from her and showed her how you could peek through it and look at things.  She got the idea right away and had fun snooping at me.

Later, I try to feed her and pop a Fruit Loop in her mouth.  She takes it out, sees it's a circle and holds it up to her eye.  She can't see through it so I hear, clear as a bell, "bull shit".

If that doesn't prove she's my grandma reincarnated, I don't know what will. 

She's doing well.  Not at her age level, but learning new words and really grasping them.  We got up to 17 today before she cheated.  Counting, I mean.  So there's a slow but progressive development and that's what's most important. 

For me?  Well, I have a busy week.  Work might not start til October, which is fine because now Pedro has some training that goes til 5.  *eyeroll*

Not his fault, just how life is. 

Anyway, I would like a permanent part-time job.  But money is also fun, so we'll see how this job goes and keep on looking for the next.  I'm still in shock over how my life has just taken off.  It's fun.  :)

Peace!

Good grief

How did all that time get away from me?  Oh well.  I do feel bad for poor little Madi (year, right).  I was gone for a week, Lily was gone for almost two and now her daddy is gone for a week.

I'm going to assume that's why she's punching me and pulling my hair in the middle of the night. 

I went to see my doc today and she and I were discussing our special needs kids and the thought dawned on me, maybe Madi is tired of sleeping with us?  I mean, she's pretty attached but I know she punches me when I snore, and gurl, can I snore.

I'll have to think about that some more.

So, sleep still an issue.  Crap, I'm supposed to be emailing Dr Norwood the specialist.  Crap.

So the girls are back in school.  No I didn't take any pictures.  lol  This is what, Madi's third year and Lily's 3rd too, I guess.  Let's just say that Lily's shorts matched her backpack.  And leave it at that.

In other news, I had a cyst on my thumb popped.  I tried to get it but it was too deep.  Dr froze it then lanced it.  I hated it: kept on waiting for it to talk to me.

In other, other news: freaking love having time to myself again!!!!!!  It's been busy and I can't wait to for things to even out but it's still been great.  And Brewster can be let out of his crate to roam around so he's a happy camper too. 

Oh and I was really down about Madi and her slow progress.  But her teachers and therapists are excited.  If only the little pecker would sleep.  Damn.

Back to "normal"

Not to go on and on and on about it but going to Sydney and being spoiled by Liz really did have an effect on me.  I'm wearing jewelry as I lay in bed and type this out.  lol  Okay, what happened was we were at a mall in Bondi Junction and we were kind of wandering around.  Okay, I was wandering.  Liz is shark when it comes to shopping - swoop in to get what she needs and then out.  I think I drove her crazy but she kept it pretty well hidden. 

Anyway, I see this jewelry shop and it's called Pandora.  Also, I see a sale sign.  We go in and I see the design them yourself bracelets.  I keep on going because they aren't really me.  More of those put em together things.  I think, gee this place has a lot of Pandora and then it hits me.  It's a Pandora store.  *eyeroll*  Anyway, I'd never seen their rings before.  Liz and I went a little crazy as they had a massive sale.  She totally stole my ring but we both have the same style.  So it's like we're connect even though we're thousands of miles away... awwwww.  Shut up.  So I'm wearing those rings.  And they had perfume massively discounted at Myers. 

What happened was that Liz wasn't paying enough attention to me (snort) so instead of asking her if I could spray her arm with perfume, I just sprayed her back.  Well, she got a little cranky so I told her that I would just spray the perfume in front of our faces.  Well, once she got her vision back she complained about me macing her.  It has now been renamed "gagaded".  As in Lady Gaga perfume.  "don't Gaga me, dude"

If you will.

Apparently, you had to be there.

Anyway, I'm wearing Versace Yellow Diamonds.  Because I'm not pretentious.  While laying in bed, with my rings on, typing stuff up on a laptop.

What?

I haven't even been eating much (you have to really know me to understand what that means).  Food has just lost its flavor.  Liz was a fantastic hostess but I think she ruined me.  On purpose.

I truly am good at blaming other people.  It might be a superpower.

Five?

A selfie on the way to Quay.

Great day, does this trip ever end?  hahahahaah 

That's my awake at 5:45am humor.  Thanks, Madi.  I am extremely glad that I went to bed early last night.

Anyhoo, onto the story...

Darling Harbour. Pretty no?  Where the aquarium is.

So I screwed up and put day 4 and 5 together. I've been travelling over 24 hours now and I'm a little off my game.

Yes, that is a platypus butt.

Friday we had a spa appointment so we just lounged around the house until it was time to go. I'm still sore from that massage but it's a good sore. It was a nice way to work out the kinks from so much traveling. Then Friday night we met up with Rob and Jose again at an Indian restaurant. It was good. I guess really good but I sort of missed the crappy Indian food that Liz and I used to get.



She seriously spoiled me. I chose pasta for dinner on the plane and I thought "could it be more overcooked?" The whole Quay thing just... If I wasn't a fussy pain in the ass before going to Australia....

The dugong did a roll in front of us.  Only four in captivity and two are at the Sydney aquarium. 

We did drink the bottle of red that I brought with me. It was a Barbera Reserve 2006 from Barboursville vineyards. I sat on it a few years (not literally) and it was just lovely.

How cute is that face?

Anyway, Saturday morning, Liz went out and got us some more bread (seriously, she spoiled me) and we had some Nutella and freshly baked spelt bread. It's almost like cake. Healthy, cake. We got to the airport and after waiting with me, we said our goodbyes. *sniffle* She told me to hang onto some AUD because of the shopping at Sydney and I thought, yeah yeah, it's an airport.

It was behind glass and I still almost messed my pants.

Holy shit. It's like a damn mall in the airport. It's phenomenal. I got more perfume and a sheepskin pillow. Totally unrelated purchases. They had sheepskin rugs for cheap but as much as I loved mine growing up, I know it won't survive the girls or Brewster so I erred on the side of caution and just got a pillow cover. It's lovely don't get me wrong.

My new bestie.

OMG Just the stores and wares available. Incredible.



On that note, the sun is going down and I have about an hour til I arrive in Richmond. Yay!

Day 4?

Well, sorry about that.  I was quite jetlagged.  I traveled close to 20,000 miles in a week and it caught up with me.  I've been up since 5:45am.  Anyhoo, onto the story...



View from zoo.

 Well, Wednesday we went to the aquarium. Not sure that I put up pics yet. I'm writing on notepad on my last flight home so that I can write about things before I forget them. And let's be honest, some thing are already lost to the ether.

Frickin' tiger would NOT stop moving.

Liz and I took a bus to downtown Sydney. What a stunning place that downtown Sydney. It's busy and crazy but there's still a sense of decorum. Anyway, we were hungry and hit a food court. I took the wrong escalator up (not hard to do) and we ended up in a department store. Now, Liz had told me that I was crazy for shopping in Sydney because it is freakishly expensive. Anyway, of course, I am there during a crazy two day, inventory sale. Cha-ching!

The giraffes were so cute.  I can't believe they can bend their necks like that without breaking them!

After doing some damage we head to the Sydney Aquarium. omg How much fun was that? Bear in mind that it's summer vacation in North America but it's winter break in Sydney so there were a lot of kids around. (fist shake) First up were the platypi. OMG Liz said she's never seen them so active. We watched one catch a prawn and eat it. Then I don't know, we wandered around. There's a thing called a dugong that's a lot like a manatee. Liz thought we wouldn't see it but of course, it came right up and did a little roll in front of us. Amazing. This is in one of the underwater tube/tank things.

Then we hit a small gift shop. The most stoned person in the world works at that gift shop and that's all I'll say. She was very sweet but her short term memory makes me look sharp. I found some great stuff and on we went.

The giraffe swooped down to get her carrot.  That's me laughing because she didn't kill me with a head butt.  The keeper is freaking out next to me.  Ninja.

Are you sensing a theme? So then it was the shark tank thing. I think my feet were hurting by then. So then I think we headed home to get ready for dinner with Jo and Lynn. I'd met Jo a few years ago when she was travelling with Liz down from NYC. She's good people. Lynn is my long lost sister from another mother. We had a lot in common. I knew I struck gold when she refused to eat anything with mushrooms in it. Anyway, we had a fabbie time at a Thai restaurant. If you ever have a chance to have banana blossom salad, have it. It's stunning.

The requisite koala pic.  They don't let you hold them in NSW.

So that was pretty much Wednesday. Let's see Thursday was more shopping, this time at Bondi Junction. Again, I manage to hit it lucky with stores that either have never had sales or haven't had one in years. That's just how I roll. After shopping, we needed to head back to get ready for Roar n Snore at the zoo. You camp in permanent safari tents inside the zoo. Hence roar and snore. Anyway, being winter break it was chock full of people. But I think everyone behaved themselves. Well, everyone but Liz and I. Now, we were supporting Australia's economy but drinking lots of yummy wine so I was concerned when the website stated that minimum drinks would be provided. I needn't have worried. It's not Liz's first time procuring drinks, slyly. I think I had 3 glasses of wine? Anymore and I would've broken my neck wandering around the zoo in the dark.

The highlight of the zoo trip for me:  petting a NZ fur seal.  He was a ham.  No pun intended.

I have to admit that the meet and greet with the snacks and bubbly was lovely. Extremely awesome view of Sydney, eating yummy brie, drinking champagne (sort of) and meeting some animals. It was probably sparkling wine not champagne but it was good. Anyhoo, so the animals were a tortoise, a snake, and two lizards. It was fun. I mean, I can't really convey what it's like to be surrounded by the things that make a nice night out and then have animals coming through that you can pet.

This was our view at breakfast.  Kind of surreal.  :)

Anyway, we walked around the zoo and it was kind of... meh. The animals were in their night dens and I was tired, etc. So we wrapped that up and I had hot cocoa and dessert, then to bed. Not I think it got down to 44F that night. I had an electric blanket and mattress pad. I felt like an egg frying a few times but I was warm. I did spare a thought for Liz sleeping on the floor. On a mattress, of course. Anyway, up for breakfast and then off for our behind the scenes tours.



The first one was giraffes. Which was fun, don't get me wrong. Especially when the huge one almost head butted me. Cat-like reflexes; that's me. We're taken up to the main entrance to meet some more animals. I did the requisite koala picture and met an echidna, whom I fell in love with, and a fruit bat. Who really liked his keeper and I'll leave it at that. Any port in a storm.



I thought that was our second behind the scene but it wasn't. Off we headed to the seal exhibit which is back at the bloody bottom of the hill. Anyway, so we sit every other row around the seal tank. I'm thinking, maybe they'll bring out a baby harbour seal or something. And we all get to say "awww". Instead a big fur seal is brought out. I forget his name but he was full of himself. And he was perfect. He walked (well, how would you describe how a seal moves?) up to everyone in the front row and waited for his scratches and his fish. So then he comes up a few steps to our row. I didn't think he was going to come right in front of us. I kind of freaked out and fell off my seat. What? Anyway, I LOVED that. I've never pet a seal before and he was a ham. Very well loved and taken care of.



So I managed not to be killed by a giraffe and made friends with a seal. Good day.



And then Liz and I had breakfast (and I found the place with my nose, I'm not sure if it's good or bad being a caffeine addict) and we're sitting there eating and talking and just relaxing while a family of elephants was about 60 feet away from us having their breakfast. I mean, it was lovely.



OH and when we woke up, we heard the lion roar. How awesome is that?

Day 3 something

Wow.  Quay.  Words may not even suffice.  It was amazing.  I've been to several fine restaurants in my life but that was like a whole nother level.  Is nother a word?  It looks weird.

They were having chardonnay but I am not a huge chardonnay fan so I asked if the sommelier could recommend wine to accompany each course.  Look lunch was hideously expensive adding another $100 on to get wine help was not exactly going to shift the cheque that much.  Anyway, he was amazing.  Amazing.  We were talking about the food a lot afterwards but honestly, for me, it was about the wine.  I was the only one to have 8 textured chocolate cake for dessert and he paired a red with it.  It was 17% alcohol, a red wine fortified with brandy.  It's called Claude Cortois.  It was extrodinary.  Paired with the cake it was like crossing dimensions. 

When you go for a culinary experience like that... it is about the sensations and not the quantity of food or how many condiments you get.  I can't describe what I mean, actually. But it was fun.

The sommelier ran away when I asked him if he was single. 

No really.

Alright, well let's get to the pictures, shall we? 

My room in chicago.

View from Liz's kitchen.  Note ocean between trees.

This one is for Stacy.  She wanted to see a hot Australian guy.  Cheers

 Picture of Harbour bridge from somewhere.  Some park on the way to Watson's Bay.

City of Sydney with harbour bridge.

Me and Margaret.  :)

Liz's sister, Anne and I.  :)

Day 2 and 5/8

This morning I was awoken by the sound of a monkey raping a parrot.  When I asked Liz what kind of bird it was she said "oh those were the bats."  Okay, then.

What day is it?  I kind of lost Sunday.  So....  I arrived in Sydney at 6am.  I had been awake on the plane for a while as they kept on playing movies all night.  Really??  Anyway, so after I make my way through the initial security screening, I just head straight to baggage services.  I had been told in LA that my luggage was already in Sydney.

Well, the nice chick in Sydney said my luggage was in LAX so I went to customs.  Bad move.  If you go through international customs and don't have check in luggage you will go through secondary.  Not a good thing.  Of course, it was going to happen to me.  After everything else.  And as I wait my turn, I think, "today is the day I'll be cavity searched".

I was interrogated.  Not badly but my bags were empty and searched.  Really.  They were too light because was bringing Liz smart food.  Cheese flavored popcorn.

Really.

So I make it through that without crying.  And Liz was there to greet me.  :)

We go shopping at kmart.  OMG Clothes were so cheap but tic tacs were $3.  WTH???  Anyway, so I get some basics at Liz's behest, in case I never see my luggage again.

At about 9:30, I get a little antsy and ask if I can have some wine.  Which led to us drinking three bottles of champagne.  What?  I had a hard time. We are happily drinking away when her cell rings.  She didn't want to answer it but I asked her to, in case it was the airlines.  Some sweet soul at the airport had PULLED MY BAG OFF OF THE BAGGAGE CAROUSEL.  It was on my flight the whole time.  I have no words.

So as we were drunk, her mom came over and drove us to the airport.  And by drunk, I mean tipsy and by tipsy, I probably mean drunk.  Anyway, I got my bag.  I. GOT. MY. BAG.  And then I got my period.

The End.

Day Two-ish

Day 2ish




So I finally made it to LAX. I guess I thought it would be snazzier. Granted this is just one terminal out of 7. I don't know what the other 6 look like.



This is kind of a side story, I guess. On the way to Richmond Airport there was a bird in the road. Alive, mind you. As I drove up to it, and it was in my lane, I thought, why isn't it flying??? So I hit the brakes but still went over it. Not with my tires but I stunned it. I thought, now there's a bad omen.



And let's face it, shit hit the fan, but hard.



So this morning in my lovely La Quinta room outside of Chicago, I found a coin. Now. The bed was made. I had two and only used one, obviously. So this was the untouched bed. And it looked perfect, like it had been made up by the maid. Etc. As I'm picking my bags up off of the bed for some very strange reason I look closer at the circular pattern. I may have thought something like wouldn't it be funny if there was something in the circle.



And there was. A worn coin with a peaceful crane or something on it. I looked it up and it's Hungarian. Well, I took it as a good omen. :) It's beautiful. I'm writing these in notepad to blog with later so I can't put in a picture right now. But I've texted it to some people. It's SO funny. Something like that should've been knocked off of the bed when the maid made it. Right? But it was perfectly in a circle.



Anyway, I'm glad to be on my last, if longest, leg of my journey. Since my friends were going to bed on the East Coast, I've started looking for celebrities. I haven't seen any that I recognize but holy plastic surgery batman. And I'll leave it at that! LOL



I still have 45 minutes before I board. It's been one hell of a trip. Now, don't get me wrong, I've seen plenty of families who had their vacation plans disrupted. I'm glad it's just me that was stuck on the tarmac for an hour. It was supposed to be for 2 hours so I'm glad it was just one!



Oh and in Chicago O'Hare a very tall and large man went through security with bright blue nail polish on his toes. Just gave me a giggle.



I do miss the girls and Pedro. Oh it was so funny when I was in line and called him to let him know what was going on with my flights. He said he would come and get me which I stupidly repeated and everyone around me yelled "can he take me too!" I stood in line with those people for almost four hours. Trust me, we were all a little crazy.



Anyway, I can't think of anymore anecdotes. I've tried to find the good amongst the bad. I have a rocking pair of Chicago socks now. I know Pedro will be smug when he finds out that I got blisters when he tells me to wear socks all the time.

Day 1 Travel

Day one.




And hmpf, I have no office programs on the laptop.



So what a disaster. Everything would've been fine if it wasn't for the storms around Richmond, Virginia. Missed my flight in Chicago and therefore missed my flight out of LA to Sydney. Okay, that sucked. But standing in line for four hours to speak to an agent as well as being on the phone for 80 minutes to get help, sucked worse. I finally made it to a hotel just after midnight. omg Did a clean bed ever look so inviting???



I'm jumping ahead. So on the phone, the lady said the flights were booked for today (Saturday) which means, she was telling me to go home and then fly out on Sunday. So I'd get to Sydney on Tuesday. Really??? With like no compensation or anything. Thankfully the guy from Boston behind me in line grabbed me a hotel coupon. It wasn't free but I paid $52 instead of $169. I'm glad for that. So, I had to make a decision and I decided to cancel my trip. WTF Only 3 real days in Sydney? Bearing in mind the first day, I'll be a wreck.



But I still needed to find out about my luggage. This agent seemed to be slightly more competent. Okay a lot more. He said he still had me in the system and that he could get me on a flight today and I'd arrive a day late. Sucky but still not too bad. I was like, but I told the chick to cancel it. So anyway, I got on those flights and found out that my luggage is in LA. wooo! (sarcasm)



Now, I also called Pedro during all of this. I'm trying to break it down so that it makes sense. UA would fly me back to Richmond for free, IF I took the flights on Sunday. Well, I didn't want the flights on Sunday so she said if I cancelled that I had to find my own way back home.



???



So I called Pedro and the one way flights are very expensive so he was going to drive to Chicago to get me. WITH THE GIRLS. Twelve hours or more to get here then 12 hours or more back. With two YOUNG KIDS IN THE CAR. That sounds like worse hell than sitting on the tarmac for an hour. Anyway, so keeping that in mind and the fact that my luggage is on the other side of the continent, I decided that pushing on was in my best interest.



A root canal would be in my best interest in that situation. Holy shit. Not to mention I'd have to find somewhere to hang out for 5 hours.



Anyhoo, so just to be on the safe side, I called UA again this morning. She confirmed that I'm on the two flights today. BUT I mentioned the cancellation thing. She saw the note and removed it. I was like, I don't need to get to Sydney and have no way of getting home.



Right? Shit.



So here I am. About to check out. I did take a little wander out and got some deodorant and toothpaste (thank you!) and a toothbrush and I feel a lot more human. I've also had two showers in the space of nine hours. LOL Hey, no chance of a kid trying to bust down the door or a husband needing his "back scratched". Just saying.



Oh AND La Quinta has a continental breakfast. Shoo. I tore that crap up. Make your own waffles, check. Raisin bread toasted with butter, check. English Muffin with cream cheese and strawberry jam, check check check. Hey, the night before I asked the nice Boston guy (who seriously was very cute) if he'd watch my stuff while I ran and got something to eat. Hadn't eaten since noon and we were beside a pretzel place. Got a pretzel dog. Good thing cuz everything was shut down by the time I was done at the ticketing counter!



I guess having some experience travelling helps. ;)



Anyway, I have a nice long wait at the airport to look forward to. I'll probably get there around 12:30 and my flight leaves at 4:30. woohoo!



Fingers crossed.

Weird

I keep on remembering this one thing.  Of course, now I can't think of what it is.  It's weird how memories from my childhood just float through my mind.  I used to think that I was melancholy for revisiting the past so much but I think it's just my nature.  My mom died when, well, we were both relatively young.  When you don't get a lot of time with someone maybe you're more apt to think about the time you did have. 

I remember lots of things.  My dad teaching me how to drive.  He used to take my out at 6am on Sunday mornings when I was 15.  Just breaking a couple of laws.  I got to drive on the freeway.  :)  We'd practice parking again and again and again.  Which is why this mama is a damn fine parallel parker.  Sometimes Pedro just gets out and lets me park.  ha! 

I remember how my mom was overweight but would have to inspect how much margarine I was using on her grilled cheese sandwich.  Clearly that half a tsp was responsible for her being overweight.  *eye roll*  I remember how she'd make me beat an egg over and over and over again.  Now I realize she was just trying to get me out of her hair.  Hooch.

I'm not sure I really had a point.  Just that I revisit the past a lot.  I cannot believe how fast time has gone since I've had Lily.  It slowed down some when Madi was born.  Just kidding.  That was in reference to lack of sleep.  She has been doing so well.  Not sleeping without her meds, mind you, but she did say "bye" to me at school today.  She's still prone to having tantrums when she wants something and I try really hard to get her to pay attention to me and try to use words to communicate. 

Also, I got her to go on the potty this morning.  I think we did that a few times last week too.  I want to get the morning pee down before we go for more. 

Am I excited that she's talking?  Yes.  But.  I still worry about where she's going to end up.  It's one thing when she's a cute little baby.  Or toddler.  Now some kids and adults are giving her a little side eye, trying to figure out what's different.  Oh and she trashed a friend's playroom.  Kerry blocked off the stairs and Madi laid waste to the other room.  So much so that even with four kids the dad came in and said "what happened?"  ha!  That's my Madi.

Anyway, I haven't been to the gym in weeks.  I have no desire to.  I'm sad looking at my muscles disappearing but I"m taking so many different meds right now I feel so weird.  Well, not weird.  Well, sort of.  Anyway, I watch what I eat.  Saw this great show called "Hungry for Change".  It explained some things that I wasn't sure of or was flat wrong about.  And that's been helping me lose weight.  Thanks to the violent stomach bug I lost 5 pounds and I've just kept it going.  I know that I need to go to the gym, but who wants to do crap when you're light headed???  Not I.

Anyhoodles.  I hope everyone is enjoying May.  And OMG how is this the last month of school.  ACK

I wonder

So I've been dealing with a lot of crappy health issues lately.  There was the sinus infection thing, throat deal that I took antibiotics for.  Then the projectile vomiting.  I had two days off, happy and healthy!  They asthma.  Really?

So amongst all the crap that I deal with, inflammation seems to be key.  Yes, I'm sleep deprived, that's not going to change anytime soon.  But what about food?  I watched this interesting documentary called Hungry for Change.  I know sugar is bad for me, you know sugar is bad for me (snork) but a wagging finger and clicking tongue don't keep me from inhaling cupcakes.  This movie, however, really got into the scientifics (did I just make up a word) of how our body processes certain "foods".  I can get on board with facts.  I also liked that they advised people not to take away from their diets but to add in new healthy things until all the unhealthy things were pushed out. 

So I've been eating salads and kale smoothies for dinner.  :) 

I feel better.  I have a long way to go but I think if I can avoid certain things, like white sugar, white flour (forget white pasta, the whole grain stuff tastes like shit) I'll do better for myself.

I always used to wonder why cancer seems more prevalent.  It could be our more toxic environment but probably our "food".  So I guess what I'm trying to do is clean eating.  We'll see how long it lasts.  I do love my cupcakes.  :)  But I also hate how my whole body hurts right now.  I'm like, fuck me if I'm developing fibromyalgia.  I will eat broccoli!

Anyhoo, Pedro is being loud and I can't concentrate.  Now the baby is screaming.  So for g-ma and g-pa here's a link to Boar's Head Inn buffet. 

OMFG

Well, this will be ugly.  Just had an asthma attack but I knew what to look for this time so I hightailed it over to my doc's office.  Yes, I have an inhaler but I knew I would need the other stuff.  That being the steroid inhalers.  And she gave me something for the cough.

Mother fucker.

Like honestly.  I only finished my antibiotics like last week?  And over the weekend I was feeling... good.  I even thought about going for a run. 

Like what the hell am I supposed to do?  I feel really bad right now.  The nebulizer wasn't working properly so I got a huge dose of meds in my system.  Felt awful.  All shaky. 

Anyway, my point is.  I don't want to be this way.  I guess no one does.  I don't want to be dependent on medicine to breathe.  $200 a prescription medicine at that.  Good grief.  I mean, do we need to move?  I know I live in the country so there's more pollen.  Sigh.  I"m so stressed right now.

I'm feeling old and weary at the moment.  It's a good thing I carpied my diem when I was younger.  Shit.

Wow

So did I mention that Madi is talking?  It's been a crazy week.  I had the worst stomach flu ever.  EVER.  It was so violent.  Ugh.  Anyway, so Madi now says: sipper (if I say sippy, she corrects me), please, yes, up, down, pat, hat, her name "ee-ee" and I feel like I'm forgetting a few. 

But anyway, it's awesome!!!

She just made such a huge leap.  I'm so happy for her and she looks more engaged in life now.  She plays with kids in class instead of watching them or playing beside them.  It makes me want to cry.  But I don't have time. 

I've already been to the vet and the garden.  The AC guy is coming in a bit.  We get our pump worked on twice a year to keep it in good shape.  Anyhoo, I have ONE sugar snap coming up.  I wanted to water them but it's supposed to storm tonight....

Oh and yellow leaves on the kale mean too much water, right?  The tomatoes and strawberries look great.  wooo!

Phew, lawd

What a fun day, yesterday.  Yes, it was my birthday.  Yes, I turned 42.  Forty-fucking-two.  How did that happen???

Anyway, I forgot it was my birthday, I mean, I knew it was coming up, until someone posted on Facebook that he was giving me an early birthday wish since he was going to be out of town.  I thought, huh? what?  Then, shit!  Lily in true Lily form said "Momma, your birthday is a surprise but what do you want for dinner??"  Snort.  Actually, I had quite a few cupcakes yesterday so dinner was an apple and a bag of raw sugar snaps.  And a few bites of cheese. 

I was supposed to have a riding lesson and I got ready to go and then called my friend Mandy to see if Innis was still lame.  She said yes, so I asked if she wanted to have lunch in town since it was my birthday.  She said, yes, of course!  So we went to one of my favorite restaurants, Bella's where I had my favorite salad and a limoncello martini.  Sweet fancy moses that was good.  Then Mandy told me about this newish cupcake place called Sweet Haus.  They have a lot of other goodies in there too.  I had a chocolate salted caramel cupcake which was just as delicious as it sounds. 

OH! And I showed Mandy my garden, which she approved of (she has a big garden at her house), and while there we saw a friend of hers.  Pleasant Grove is a huge local park.  It offers horse trails so most of the time I'm tending my garden, I see people riding their horses.  Jealous, am I?  Oh yes.  But anyway, we went and talked to her friend who was tacking up and she has a Rocky Mountain horse.  He was gorgeous. 

So, THEN we went for lunch.

I picked up the girls, lah dee da, but when we got, I saw a note on my door that said something like "Sonia, I have something for you Dotty Capellino".  Now that means, nothing to you guys, but I know she owns the cupcake place in town.  I had talked to her about placing a special order for myself, whatever, for some chocolate cayenne cupcakes, which are amazing.  But I never got around to it.  So, I was confused.  But secretly, thrilled.  Who doesn't want a note from the cupcake lady? 

So I call her and someone has ordered a dozen cupcakes for me.  It turns out it was Liz in Australia.  Who's an amazing friend???  As the cupcake lady was leaving, I said, hey since you live just down the road if you have any extra cupcakes, you know where to leave them.  She said, cupcakes and cookies too!  Then I thought, shit, what have I done to myself.

Anyhoo, it was a delightful fun, wonderful day.  Until THIS happened.  And it wasn't that bad because I just about laughed my ass off.  It was a good day.

Jeez

It's like you can't be sick anymore without relatives sending nasty emails about not updating the blog.  Well, sick, then spring break, then sick again.  Wheee!

 So let me apologize in advance: the video of Lily is sideways.  I even tried to get it the right way.  I give up.


OMG  I was going to go into town today but it's taking me so fracking long to do this.  I selected one picture and all of them but the one I wanted were loaded into the post.  Really?  Sometimes I swear there's a computer conspiracy.  UGH  Alright, so, the community garden is finally open and I went over to see what was what.  That's what.  I spent a few hours pulling out weeds and old potatoes and grubs.  Blech.  I was waiting and waiting and waiting for an email to say that the garden was open but aside from receiving my plot allocation there was no other info.  So I email them and oh yeah, of course the garden is open.  Eyes.  So then I'm in a lather because I had held off of starting seedlings because what's the point in having two dozen plants and nowhere to put them?  Anyway, I freaked out and leapt into action and it now looks like this:

I planted 15 strawberry plants.  This bitch likes strawberries and last year the damn squirrels ate them all off of my back deck before I could get any!  On the right is kale and one lone cilantro.  Then the next row is broccoli and tomatoes.  I got the last two trays of broccoli from Lowes.  They looked pretty rough so my expectations are low.  Anyway, cute right?  And I have that on good authority because I took Lily with me yesterday evening and she walked allllll around the garden, came back and proclaimed mine the cutest.

That actually made me very proud.

So we're going back there tonight and putting in seeds.  I love me some sugar snap peas and lettuce.  I was reading my Square Foot Gardening book and he mentioned planting at different times to harvest at different times.  BRILLIANT!  I can't eat 20 heads of lettuce at once.  So that's the plan.  :)

Yes, Lily was WAY into it.  Badgering me to work faster so she could use the shovel.  Fine.  Go turn over the dirt and see how easy it is.  Eyes.  And she worked hard... until she found a worm or heard a bird, etc.  Still, it was fun and I'm sure that she slept well last night. 

And I think I'm the only one using garden stones, or whatever you call them.  Maybe I over thought it but I was freaking out about what to do so I decided to do SOMETHING.  I can learn from there.  And shoot, mine's cute.

Speaking of which, Madi has started sleeping better again.  This damn cold or whatever it is has had the both of us so congested that sleep has been difficult.  AND she's been so cranky that she's been pulling out her hair.  It's very bald at the top/back so I cut it.  I was going to take her so a friend but she had finished work early that day and I just couldn't take one more night.  She'll look better once it grows in.  Pedro said she looks like a boy and I was thinking, no, she looks like a balding middle aged man.

I think short hair suits her.  She is like a demonic little pixie.  Oh, Sonia, that's not nice.  NO, what's not nice is how she throws all the furniture she can around the house when I walk away from her, to get her some juice!  Not that I'm bitter.  Eyes.

Speaking of eyes, mine are still red and  rheumy.  ew.  I take my antibiotics and a claritin every day and still...

 So anyway, hope everyone has a good Wednesday.  I feel like it's time for a nap.

And now it's not sideways, thanks for making me look like an ass, blogger.

In the weeds...

Something my doctor said to me recently.  She has an adult special needs child and although I'm sorry for the trials that she's been through, it's nice to have someone who can relate.  I don't expect everyone to feel my pain or understand the stress that we go through.  But man, when I find someone who does it is so helpful.  Not because they have a bunch of answers for me but just knowing there are people out there who get it.  Who understand that sometimes you'll do almost anything to get your kid to stop screaming and that when others offer advice you have to nod your head because you've tried everything.  Twice. 

And blogger is acting like it has its period today.

I'm kind of a blabber mouth about certain things so I'm always telling people about Madi.  Which in turn gets people to open up to me about their kids.  I just don't think that having a learning disability or developmental delay or whatever, should be taboo.  I think the more that we learn about the brain, the more we know that people can be so different and yet that doesn't make anyone right or wrong, better or worse. 

The stress comes from her not sleeping through the night, which puts a strain on everyone.  Her screaming and yelling and tantrum-ing when we can't figure out what is going on.  Her destruction of more items than I wish to recount.  She'll come up behind me and yank on my hair.  Oh, thanks, Madi.  We're adapting as much as we can for her but that takes a lot out of all of us. 

What else?  Oh crap.  The future.  Will she be able to support herself?  Will people take advantage of her?  What will happen when we're gone?  It's a constant low level stress.  I try to do what's right for her now and hope for the best because I really can't control the future.  I guess I'm kind of shallow in that she's cute so I hope people watch out for her.  Not much of a plan but it's likely to work as well as any of them. 

At least she is a pain in the ass.  I don't like that she kicks her teacher but her teacher is especially hard on her so Madi takes matters into her own hands.  That she's able to 1) recognize that she's being singled out and 2) that she doesn't roll over and let people mistreat her, gives me hope. 

Every day with her is a struggle.  Even if it's that I can't cook dinner because she screams or throws things because I'm not paying attention to her.  So we wait til Pedro gets home to cook and that ruins our chances to go to the gym, which Pedro needs because of his diabetes. 

See?  Gah.

Anyway, all we can do is our best.

And of course, I get to ride and then go for lunch with my friend and that helps too.  OMG  Why are these pics so weird?  Sigh.  Oh yeah, so Madi ruined my kindle, crushed my phone, and cracked my ipod.  So I feel like I'm living in 2005.  My phone is being repaired, and I'm going to get my ipod fixed.  I hope.  The 4th gen itouch is a pretty good deal since the 5 gen is out.  Sigh.

Anyway, I get to see my buddy Innis today.  He is a sweetie although he tried to make me give him mints before he does anything.  SIGH

Oh boy

So, Madi is kind of over the smashing dishes thing.  If only because we're getting low on dishes.  She's pulling her hair less but again, she doesn't have much left in front.  She's pulling my hair less but I attribute that to me pulling her hair back.  Oh yeah, THAT'S how it feels. 

She's talking more and more but I just don't know what is with the crazy tantrums.  Frustrated at not being able to communicate?  I've taught Pedro (and I hope that doesn't sound patronizing) instead of yelling at her when she's doing something wrong, reward her as soon as she does something right.  That also cuts down on the tantrums.  I can't say it enough: kids learn how to behave by watching their parents.  That old chiché actions speak louder than words is so true.

Anyhoo, I had diarrhea at Wal-Mart today.  How awesome is that???  Oh I was fine and even had the bathroom to myself but hell's bells I was shopping fast!  I think it was that gorgonzola.  *eyes*

What else?  Lily is doing well in school, as per usual.  She helped her daddy rewire the house over the weekend.  I owe her a big reward.  Can't decide what. 

Oh and I got some potatoes.  I know!  We sort of all eat low carb because of Pedro but I just need some potatoes!  He can have a small amount.  I lost my train of thought thinking about how to cook them....

Anyhoo, I am hanging in there.  Poor Pedro slept with Madi who decided to get up at 2:30.  And like leave the room, get up.  He had to chase her down and bring her back to bed.  She didn't even nap yesterday so I was pretty sure she'd be sleeping through the night.  O.o  Don't know what to do with her.  Straightjacket?