O.M.G.

Breathe in, breathe out....

Holy smokes.  So Madi's teacher told me about this waiver you can get for your special needs child.  It helps cover expenses for equipment or respite care you may need while caring for them.

FOR THE LOVE OF APPLE PIE COULD THEY MAKE IT ANY HARDER????

Holy crap. 

Anyway, so I have called someone for the THIRD time.  He talks like Alvin the Chipmunk on crack.  After two calls I finally have his name right.  Okay, just the first one, but we're getting there. 

So this whole thing is stressful and makes my tummy feel funny.  I just want the waiver form so I can print it out and start on my quest for obscure doctor's notes and test results.  I don't want to have to read what other stuff you qualify for.  It's hard enough acknowledging the depth of her needs without considering how much worse it could gett.

I'm glad there are procedures in place (however shakily they may be implemented) that help with older caregivers.  Will I be able to handle a Madi tantrum when I'm 60?  I'd better keep on lifting weights.  Where will she live if she can't live with us?

Now, I know I drive myself into a tizzy.  Forest, trees, etc.  She's been talking a lot and I'm hoping it continues.  However, I think it's prudent to consider the what ifs so I'm prepared.  I have this driving concern about money.  It's not going to fix her but having it will go a lot longer to help with her care than having none.  Was that even English?  My stomach is still doing flips from those websites I had to comb through. 

Anyhoo, my damn point is that I want to go back to work.  I'm even willing to go back to school.  I want a good higher paying job that is flexible enough so I can deal with sick kids or staff days or whatever.  The reality is that none of us are getting younger.  I have some physical issues.  Pedro has his.  Madi is getting older and stronger. 

You know what I'm getting at.

Anyway, I think I need some bourbon in my next coffee.  Mercy.  For the longest time, I didn't want to go back to work simply because of trying to deal with all of these issues.  It's so much.  But, Madi is older and hopefully her development continues at a steady pace.  I'm trying to just be positive.  Whew.

I feel like going back to bed.