Alright, alright, sorry about the swear words. Today has been ROUGH.
Lily doesn't really care for her sister. I've tried talking to her about this, obviously, and she has trouble even putting into words why she doesn't like her sister. I'm not going to say "Love her or else!" because 1) it's not going to work and 2) it will likely make her hate her sister more.
So we're talking today about this and Lily says something about how they will never be friends because they can't play and they can't really talk to each other. I, very patiently, start to say "Madi will never have..." and that's as far as I got because the thunderbolt hit me and I started bawling.
Madi will never have friends like Lily has friends. She'll never call or text someone. She's friendly with the other kids at school, usually, but will she ever form a bond of friendship with someone that will last the test of time?
And yes, I'm crying again so sorry about the typos. And grammar. And shit.
So then the behavioral therapist comes over, who is awesome. She starts talking to me about how I can reclaim my house and that it doesn't have to be driven by Madi and what Madi wants. How I can take control over my life again.
Well, cue another waterfall from me.
It's been kind of a gut wrenching day for me. And then the shooting in Orlando and I'm horrified by this world that I live in. Arguments online over gun control, no mental health, NO Islam and holy shit, can we do something about this? If prayer worked I would be a size 6.
But I digress. (Hey, there IS something that I'm good at!)
That's how it gets you, or me, rather. Going along, through life, as best I can, trying not to screw up too much and ka-blam! One right in the kisser. Someone very wise once told me that I will grieve for my child again and again throughout her life. It's mourning the life I had imagined for her before her diagnosis. And my friends, it is a bitter, bitter pill.
But life goes on, and I pick myself up, with garlic-cheddar biscuits, and keep on keeping on. Sometimes with tears on my cheeks and a bitter taste in my mouth.