Okay

so today was better. Madi didn't keep me up for 3 hours. I'm starting to think the sleep doc was right in that Madi only had one short nap yesterday and she only had 6.5 hours of sleep the night before. She's not grumpy and doesn't laze around all day.

Which is kind of awful news for me. A 2 year old that only needs 6 hours of sleep?

C.R.A.P.

If I can't get her to sleep all night, I know that when she's old enough I'll have to provide a safe place for her to play quietly until the rest of us get up.

But she did sleep a little more last night. I mean, she woke up every hour or so but it's just so much better than crying and fussing for 3 hours straight.

Sigh.

Anyway, I'm not sure if I had a point and after a glass of Moscato... my point disappeared.

gosh and it's our 12th anniversary tomorrow. How did THAT happen?

Oh AND I ran 2 miles today!!!!!! I'm extremely proud of myself. I didn't run one mile and take a break, I actually ran two miles non-stop. :) I wonder if I'll be able to repeat that. Or improve it. Gah

Madilyn is destroying our lives...

No, seriously. She kept me up from 3:30 til 6:30. After initially waking me up at 2:30.

Yes, we went to see the sleep specialist on Monday pm. We talked for quite a while and he's a.... intelligent, willing to listen, but I don't know if he really got what I was trying to say about madi.

He said she really really really needs a routine. I said that I couldn't believe that a routine was the only thing keeping madilyn from sleeping. A child doesn't throw themselves across a bed because they don't have a set bedtime.

Oh yes, I did.

So the funny thing is that I swear Madi was listening to him. The doctor guy. The last two days we've gotten up at 7:30. She has set nap times and if she misses them, oh well. She tried to sneak a nap in at 6 last night and I got her up and moving. Man was she pissed. But she crashed at 9:30 which was just about when the doc said she should.

So what went wrong???

See the doc thinks she's getting too much sleep. He may be right, she may not need as much but she's developmentally delayed so there's no way that I wasn't going to let her sleep. You know? Anyhoo, he did warn me that it was going to be tough. and I mean, I knew that too.

Also? my keyboard sucks. I hit the shift key every time that I need to and it doesn't always work. *eyes*

Anyway, so last night I couldn't sleep. I was even in bed, lights out by 10:05. that's amazing for me. I think I finally fell asleep around 11:30. So when Madi woke up at 2:30, it was kind of a rude awakening. She did sleep 5 hours. Which is good for her. Isn't that sad?

I keep on telling myself, just make it through til she's older and can entertain herself. I think I'm just at a spot where I think, there's no guarantee THAT will even happen. Poor Lily has been taking the brunt of my temper. Mostly because she shows up at the worst possible time. It's not her fault that her sister keeps me up half the night. Lily wants attention too and just happens to want it when I need my sleep the most.

And Pedro's staying at home today to let me get some rest. Except that I'm awake while the AC guy is here (nothing is wrong, just maintenance) and he's asleep.

Madi's not sleeping affects everyone, whether it's directly (me not sleeping) or indirectly (me yelling at Lily). I'm going to keep up the routine because we need it for when she starts school in 6 or 7 weeks. But most days I feel like running away. In my mind, I'm turning a corner from Sleep Deprivation Lane into Psychotic Alley. :/

*scream*

Every. Freaking. Time.

I cannot get into blogger without resetting my password every time. As you can imagine, this makes me not want to have anything to do with it. argh

Anyway, June has been a colossal pain in my butt. Looking forward to July. There's a book, movie and video game add-on coming out. SOMETHING to look forward to.

We see the sleep expert tomorrow. I think my expectations have been sunk pretty low. Maybe there are some things I could try to do better (keep her on a schedule) but I've tried everything and I kind of have an existence that I can deal with. I guess I get frustrated easily, I don't know. But all the times I spent trying to get her to nap when I could tell she was tired and after an hour, angry and frustrated, I'd put her in her highchair and she'd fall asleep in 30 seconds. ARGH Yes, Madilyn.

Sigh. Anyway, now she's yelling because she's not sitting on my lap. Why? Because she likes slamming her head back into my collarbone and that really really hurts. *face* I just wonder when Madi's going to snap out of it. A lot of people have told me to accept her and love her for the special baby that she is but, you know, they don't have to put up with sleep deprivation or bruises on their collarbones. I try to give her the love she needs but momma needs some space too. S.I.G.H.

Anyway, some pics of Lily playing yesterday. At least one of us is having fun.

OMGOSH

So I've been having problems with blogger in that I guess it saved the password so I wouldn't have to remember it and the password changed but not in the saved section. I type in the new password and it reverts to the old one, which, of course, doesn't work. I finally got it sorted out. *face*

So things have been kind of rough around here. So far this week, both girls are healthy. I wasn't sure that was ever going to happen! I'm glad that Madi survived her illness okay. And fever that gets close to 104 is scary, especially in someone so young and little. Sigh.

I'm kind of getting frustrated with Madilyn. It's funny that the people I talk to lately, point out that she's a special kid. I see a kid who's two and kind of walking, not talking and still not sleeping. Pedro says she sleeps through the night but that's because if she crawls out of his embrace he pulls her back in. to me, that's not sleeping through the night and I think it's bad that he's using himself as a prop. I mean, I have to do that to get her to sleep. Then I shove her across the bed so I can roll over and get some sleep. Sigh.

I have to vent

We all know that I'm pretty tired and stressed out most of the time, right? And that reflects on how I live my life and the life my kids and husband has. If one member of the team is constantly burned out, well...

So I'm having problems with Madi's physical therapist. She's great but uhhh not so good with the scheduling part of things. Initially, our appointment was for yesterday (Wednesday). She emailed me last Friday and asked if I could maybe do it this Friday. We go to UVA on Friday and if you've ever been there you know it's the worst place to go ever, and I'd like to have a peaceful morning, but okay, sure if we have to do PT on Friday am, we'll do it.

So I don't hear from her all weekend and finally I email her back Tuesday night to see if she's coming over Wednesday.

Now bear in mind, poor Lily is going house crazy and I'm trying to make playdates for her. I've made one for Monday, but we're all sick so I call and change it to Thursday.

The PT gets back to me late Tuesday night and says she can now make it Thursday. Frack.

So I msg the mom and say, hey we can't make it Thursday now.

I'm kind of flaky enough in real life I don't need someone else messing things up for me. I'm about to just say look, we can do PT at this time and date, if you can't do that, then we'll find someone else.

Update

So after the meltdown yesterday, Lily tried her very best to be a good girl. And she did a really good job. :) I tried to lay down the rules with her (no hitting, etc) and we had a good talk. whew

It's just funny that all it took was a garbage bag to get her attention. :/

Oh boy

I will admit to having trouble with parenting. My own parents weren't really absent parents, I mean they were in the house, but they didn't spend a lot of time with me. Really. Once I learned how to cook, I hardly saw them. So I thought being a parent was a breeze. A few minutes here or there.

Reality is much harder. For one, Madilyn is an extremely clingy and needy kid. Then there's the fact that I don't want to raise the girls like my parents raised me. So that means a lot of hitting is out. My dad was very strict and I got a lot of spankings, sometimes with a belt. Sometimes he slapped my face. It was pretty rough.

So, that's what I know.

I know about counting and time out but holy crap, Lily is not down with it. She was acting up and started spitting at me. So I told her to go to time out and I held her there for a bit. When she wouldn't stop fighting me, I let go of her and went to her room to get her laptop. I took her laptop after she was warned to stop yelling/stomping/hitting. If anything that made her angrier. I thought maybe ignoring her would help. Since that worked for Madilyn and her hitting her head on the floor. I did the dishes. Lily kicked over the baby gate. Stomped on it, threw her step stools, etc. By this point I was ready to put her head through a wall.

What I did instead was, hopefully, calmly take a garbage bag and head for her room. She knew exactly what this meant and stopped everything. I started putting toys in the bag while she began crying and pleading for me to stop. So we had a talk.

Apparently, she hates her sister and wants her to go back in my belly. I tried to explain that's not going to happen.

I really don't know what else to do. It's my opinion that when Pedro yells at her, it teaches her that it's okay to yell. I think she pitches fits to get attention. I don't want to reward the behavior and I've noticed that spankings don't seem to work.

Taking her toys away sure gets her attention. I've read my share of books but I know that each kid is different. One mom I know has found that money really motivates her son. I don't think that Lily is a bad kid but she had a lot of spunk and really seems to enjoy fighting.

I'm trying to listen to her more and treat her more kindly (hoping she'll follow my lead). Sigh.

At least I have lots of garbage bags.

Yay!!!!

Monday I called the school where that awesome program is for kids who are delayed. The lady in charge of the program doesn't work during the summer, so I was kind of bummed. Well, I guess they actually passed on the message and she called me back today. She told me that they'd accept the doctor's results and therefore they find Madi eligible for the program. YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY

We'll meet with them the first week of August and school starts on the 15th for the little ones. WOO and a HOO! I've worked really hard this week to get caught up with things. I feel like I can kind of let out a breath. Then take another one so I can call the doctor and get an appointment for Madi. She's still coughing and pulling on her ears. Good grief. This year has been awful for colds for us. Sigh.

phew that is a load off of my mind. Granted, Madi is still learning new skills but I still don't think what she could learn over the summer will make her ineligible. She's still not talking and still putting every damn thing she finds on the ground in her mouth. Yesterday we were at the vets (for Riley) and I had to put her down to pay and off she went. She came back chewing on something. Luckily, it was just a cat treat. *eyes*

So, Riley - the vet did a really good exam on his belly and found some masses. She thought they MIGHT be poop but she was pretty sure they're outside of the poop chute. Sorry, I'm tired. So, they're doing blood work to make sure there's nothing going on that prednisone might make worse. And we're going back Saturday for her to feel his belly again. And he's getting cat lax with every meal to make sure there's nothing stuck in there.

I guess if there are masses, then we talk about x-rays. I'm not going to let him suffer from cancer. I figure an operation, if necessary, and she said that prednisone can help ease some of the suffering. As well as keep him from puking. *eyes*

I get one thing taken care of and something else pops up. I'll be so glad when the only pets we have are fish.

yay

I can't believe I haven't mentioned it here - or maybe I did and forgot. Madi's genetic testing was finally okayed by the insurance company. We go in Friday to draw blood and it will take 5 or 6 weeks after that to get the results. Oorah!

Hunkered Down

So at least three out of the four of us are sick. I feel like if I close my eyes my head would pop off of my body and float away. Ugh. Madi has a fever but she's acting okay otherwise. She was warming up the bed last night, until I gave her some tylenol. Honestly, after I moved her after a diaper change the mattress felt like I'd had an iron on it. Poor thing. Lily ate some breakfast but then threatened to throw it up everywhere we went. Sigh. And I caught something from one of them. Oh boy.