Is it raining or pouring?

I got my new, NEW start date for next Monday, the 7th of October.  I'm glad and not.  Glad because I needed that three hour nap that I just had.  Not so because I busted my hump trying to get everything done before my old new start date. 

Do other parents find it hard to draw the line between the self and obligations?  I have so much on my plate right now that there's really no time to be sleeping.  Hall bathroom wall has a big hole in it, the floor is ripped up (obviously, trying to dry it out and find the leak)  The kitchen is in serious need of an update and more storage; almost every homework packet Lily has brought home we have lost.  At least once.  I think I need to break down my garden.  It's become increasingly obvious that I can't keep that garden up and work so I need to clear it and get my stuff out.  Of which, there is a lot.

What else?  Well the whole Madi sleep thing.  We stopped trazodone in the summer because of her behavioral issues and now she uses melatonin but her system doesn't always cooperate with that either.  Pedro is sick so I've tried to let him heal up with sleep. 

:exhale:

So there's a lot going on.  I'm sure I've forgotten... oh yeah, my passport expires in 5 months, trying to do that paperwork too.  Snort. 

As far as I can tell, this has been a year of me learning to say no.  I love helping people.  Some of you who know me are probably rolling your eyes thinking, "I'm pretty sure I've heard her tell panhandlers to F off".  Well, I don't like supporting people's habits.  So there. 

That was a tangent.

Anyhoo, I hold doors open for people, wait for nincompoops to cross in a crosswalk, offer to help people carrying things.  It doesn't hurt me, as a rule, and everyone wins.  Right?

But I do this to the detriment of my own life and the people close to me.  I had to take an honest look at everything and realize, holy shit, I don't have time now to do everything, why am I trying to do more?  So I've started pulling back.  And I felt so guilty for sleeping this morning, but had to reassure myself that I need rest too. 

This a fairly rambling post.  I think my sort of point is that OMG there's a lot to do.  Doing my best (motto!) and trying to do right by the people who really need me (family!) and trying to live each day as fully as I can (cuz you just never know).

Peace, motha truckas!