"Light, please."

Kind of a boring phrase, right?  It set my heart aflutter the other night when Madi said it.  Her verbal skills have been ... there's no appropriate word for it.  She's learned to say certain things to get what she wants "I want popsicle", for example and she's started morphing that into "I want banana" or, more shockingly, "I want up".  It's starting to make sense to her.  If she asks for things in a particular way, she can apply that request to other items. 

We're just amazed.  I never thought she'd make 3 or 4 word sentences.  Especially ones that make sense.  She's started expressing when something hurts.  She's started asking for hugs. 

She was assessed as being moderately to severely delayed.  And this doesn't really change that - she kind of communicates like a 2/3 year old.  But hell's bells, it's coming along. 

I didn't even know what to say the other day when she said "But it's mine".  I think I was taking away the laundry basket.  (Nice try, kid)

I have been depressed for a long time.  Feeling like, things were just never going to change.  I'm so proud of her and so extremely grateful for the support she gets at school.  I KNOW they've helped her a ton. 

Now about that potty training...

Best laid plans

WAAAH so I was supposed to finish up my training today.  However, Pedro has had a computer issue at work and he won't be home in time today to watch the girls.  Frack.  I'm getting how it all works.  I was worried about dealing with the kids, finding the stops, etc.  But once you drop one kid off, you have a few seconds to check where you're going next, and the bus is quiet while the kids transition so it's a good time to yell and get them to sit down.

So you know, I'm getting the hang of it.

Unfortunately, I have zero sense of direction so I have to do a lot of lefty loos and righty roos while I drive to remember. 

What?

And those buses do NOT stop easily so I go super slow and keep the ambers on.  Drivers stuck behind me LOVE ME.  Not.  But I'm learning and getting the kids home safe and that's what's up.

I am SO crushed.  I really wanted to wrap this training up.  I'm only going to be a sub and since that can mean a lot of changes in times, I can do only do afternoons.  If I get offered a route and I can find a place to drop the girls off or whatever, then that's awesome, but until then.... It just feels like it's never going to end.

The girls are good.  Pedro's good.  I'm okay.  lol  Can't really ask for much more, can you?

Puppy Love

I'm so happy for Lily.  She loves her third grade teacher.  And how did THAT happen?  She's in 3rd grade?  Preschool was like, yesterday.  Anyhoo, Ms Davis is fun but a little strict and I think Lily does well in that environment.  Pushes her a little. 

AND Isaac is in her class.  During a tornado drill, he's the one that said "Lily if you die in a tornado, I die in a tornado." 

Good grief, he was 7 at time. 

Anyway, he's carried a torch for Lily since first grade so this should be interesting.  She's told me that he's actually gotten in trouble defending her in the playground.  She doesn't really know how to act.  She likes him and when I've seen them together they do nothing but just pick on each other.  It's like they're already married.  ha!  Anyway, I told her just to enjoy having someone who cares for her.  I guess I should add that if he starts to annoy her to tell him to stop and/or to tell the teacher but I've never got the impression from her that he is bothersome.

But how many people out there would like to have someone who is genuinely concerned with our well-being?  Shoo.

She was drawing a cat yesterday and someone made fun of the tail she drew.  Well, you know Isaac wasn't having ANY of that. 

So cute.  And yes, we finally got the bus this morning.  :)

Time

How does time go by so fast?  Lily is just NOT a little kid anymore.  I'm just blown away by how she thinks and talks.  She even changed one of her sister's poopy diapers the other day and cleaned up after.  I know, right? 

Even Madi.  She's still very toddler-ish but can blow us away when she wants something.  She's started walking up to people and saying "pleased to meet you"  lol  that's about as far as her conversation goes but she's trying.  She wants to interact with people. 

It would be terribly nice if she'd stop pooping on the floor, however.

Anyway, I'm still in training for school bus driving.  It's a long road.  I think it can be discouraging at times.  There's a lot to memorize.  I don't mind learning new things, but it's the DMV road test that kind of unnerves me.  Not even the road test.  I'm not scared of driving the bus.  There's this thing called a pre-trip inspection.  You may know what you're looking for but you have to enunciate everything that could be missing or wrong with every vital piece of equipment on the bus.  That's a lot to remember.  And my trainer and I kind of butt heads.  He wants me to just memorize it whereas I want to know what something does so when I look at it I know what could break down.  Hence the discouraging part.  But Pedro's out of town this week so I have a few days just to chill. 

HA

I'm not training this week but I do have the girls.  Lily has started her orthodontic treatment.  She has spacers in her teeth.  I think she gets the bands put in on Friday.  I think.  Maybe more measuring?  LOL  I have my hands full. 

I'm just so blown away that in 10 years Lily will likely be heading off to college.  She loves art but she ate a grilled cheese sandwich while watching hernia surgery on a dog.  Intestines and all.  I couldn't look and I wasn't eating.  My point is, if you have iron guts like that, may as well head into the medical field.

Keep on keeping on

Shooo!  So I've applied to work as a county driver for the girls' school.  Well, in Fluvanna there are four schools, but you get the idea.  I made it past the first hurdle, which was having a clean driving record.  Next up, I had my finger prints done today.  Then, if I pass the background check, it's onto a week of classroom training.  Then, I think, there's a DMV test.  Then there's the actual driving???  I kind of lost track.  It takes months to complete everything.  Just trying to line up my duckies in a row.

And you know, I've spent a lot of time and mental energy trying to figure out what to do.  So much of my time is fixated on the kids.  I don't think I said that right.  I can't do things because I MIGHT have to watch the kids.  I can't lock in my time, unless it's evenings or weekends and you know, Pedro works full-time so watching the kids while I'm at work is kind of a bummer.  Yes, spare me the kids are so great line.  They are, but they can also be royal pains in the butt and Madi needs to be watched constantly.  Which is exhausting.  Grandma can back me up on that. 

So we need a second income and I can tell you from experience that quitting for the summer to watch the girls and then reapplying in the fall really sucks.  The whole process of looking for a job.  Just applying for one job can take hours. So yeah, I'd like to not have to do that.

And then there's just random days off from school.  Or "Staff Day" as the school calls them.  It's hard when you're in an office to be like, uh yeah, I can't work because of a staff day.  But hey, Sonia, why can't you use a baby sitter?  Well, I did put some feelers out there and people got in touch with me who make more an hour than I do so... paying someone more than I make to watch my kids.  Yeah.  Not going to work.  And Madi, isn't 100% toilet trained so a lot of places won't take her and she still doesn't talk so well, so I'm not leaving her with just anyone.

Driving a school bus was one of the few scenarios that Pedro and I came up with (okay mostly him) where I can work, be on the girls' schedules, have some time to myself during the day, and work with people who completely understand what working parents go through. This is, for me, a big deal.  I can hopefully get a job where I'll feel settled and productive (are those mutually exclusive?) and not have to stress when one of the kids gets sick (they get to sit behind me on the bus).

Getting the picture?  There is very little in the way of good options for me.  Are bad options even options?  Wow I need some sleep.  So anyway, fingers and toes crossed.  There's a long road ahead of me.  Here' s a pic of toddler Lily for randomness.

Of course

I worked really hard on my application and cover letter to apply for a school bus driver position yesterday.  Today?  I see a flyer from the school where they're having an open house, of sorts, to get bus drivers.  I'm so glad that I slaved over my application when all they want is for people to show up with a driver's license!  I swear.  Oh well, YES I'm going.  No, I don't know how to drive a bus but they do train you and I did used to drive the Winnebago on family vacations.  Mostly so my parents could get drunk in the back.  I was 13.  But I can drive.  ;)

Alright, onwards.  I need to cut grass and plant some tomatoes.  First to find all the dog poop.  O.O

Coffee and Coughee

I know.  That title sucks.  Pedro is home sick with a nasty sounding cough.  He was also up with Madi half the night so he's down for the count.  I had some Death Wish coffee.  Yes, it's a real thing and yes, it's very powerful.  It's also not cheap so I figure I use it when I need it.  Which is every day.  Amirite?

I finally, FINALLY, applied to a job today.  It's as a school bus driver.  I've tried very hard in the past to make my life fit a 40 hour week schedule and failed.  This job, if I get it, is on the girls' school schedule.  They get a day off, I get a day off.  And if I only do one run morning and afternoon, I still have a few hours to myself each day.  Sounds pretty darn good to me. 

I like working and making money.  Feeling productive.  But the kids.  Oi.  Last Friday, Pedro and I had made plans and then they called from school that Madi was inconsolable.  Took her to the dr, who said she looked fantastic and then Madi proceeded to destroy the house.  It's like, wuh?  My point being, the kids, especially Madi, make it very hard to work a 40 hour week with any sort of guarantee that I'll actually get in all of those hours. 

Anyway, onwards and upwards. 

Gathering dust

Literally.  ha  I have been kind of a lump this year.  Yes, I have looked for work and even went on an interview.  Then I kind of gave up.  It seems like every week there's "something".  A sick kid, or spouse or some major event I need to take care of.  So I've tried to embrace it.  A little.  Volunteer at school.  Take Lily to soccer practice and games.  I guess I'm trying to live outside of myself.  I mean, I've been trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life and I've been inspired by people who give themselves over to help others.  I'm not going THAT far but I've decided instead of searching for a job, to take the ones that I do have more seriously.  Like parenting.  Housework, meh.  Hence the dust. 

What?

Lily has been so funny lately.  We were all sick and Pedro finally came down with it.  Let's say that some of his bodily functions didn't smell so good.

Lily: "Who died in there?"

Me: "Your dad is really sick."

Lily: "That smells really terrible!!!  I can taste it in my mouth!"

Pedro and I are still laughing. 

These pics are for Lily.  "I remember preschool but I don't remember being a baby!" 

Happy New Year!

I'm a little late with that but oh well.  I couldn't believe I last posted in September.

I only have a few moments.  My biscuits are almost done and I need to hit a presentation at the library about writing.

It feels nigh impossible to get a job that won't be interrupted by taking care of the girls.  My temp assignment ended so I'm looking for work.  I'd like a part-time job, full-time is.. well, I only worked two, forty hour weeks last fall.  I'd get to work and get a call from the nurse.  I know the kids can't help getting sick or getting lice (grrr) but it wreaked havoc with working.  Anyhoo, the other obvious solution is to work for myself.

Without getting into too much detail (I am cramming biscuits down my gullet) I've always been very critical of myself and battled low self esteem so I shoot myself down before I do ANYTHING.  This year I feel a lot more open to possibilities.  I've been bending over backwards trying to live my life a certain way, a way that I was raised was the "right" way and it's been making me miserable.  So I'm just trying shit out.

My point being that I've always wanted to write but I thought I wasn't going to be "good enough".  Enter Amazon.  There are some god awful books that people have self-published.  I understand that writing is a creative process and will take some talent and practice.  But great day, some people suck hard and they sell books.  So I'm starting my endeavor by braving the freezing temps (really freezing, not just "freezing" by Southern standards) to listen to a local, published author give out advice.  For FREE!

Oh and Madi's been using the potty more, yay us, go team.  Mazel tov.