So I'm having a crappy day. Madi kept me up from 5:30 til 7:30 and then blissfully fell asleep and stayed asleep right before the alarm went off. *eyes* It's frustrating because she can't tell me what's wrong, because she doesn't talk. I don't know why she can't sleep and it just gets everyone irritated (Pedro came in the room to see if he could help).
We see a lot of people this month: developmental pediatrician, genetics guy, physical therapist.
There's a general consensus that Madi is delayed and not just a little. It's so hard as a parent because for the longest time I could think that maybe she was on her own schedule but it's getting to the point where I have to think that I might be caring for her a lot longer than I anticipated.
Which is depressing as hell.
I did have shingles during my 3rd month of pregnancy and I've researched a bit and that is considered a cause of microcephaly. And boy does she have a small head. It IS growing on a curve and hopefully it stays that way.
You know, I keep on hoping that one day she'll just start talking or start walking or doing anything, something. But she just shows no interest and if I try and engage her in something she gets angry and slaps at me.
I'm just not sure what to think.
I love her but she's a burden. I can't leave her alone for 2 seconds without her crying. So I have to pick her up and carry her everywhere. Sometimes I just have to leave her crying because mommies have to use the bathroom too.
Obviously there are things we can rule out. She doesn't have Down's or autism. She is social and likes to smile at me and her sister. At this point all I can say is: boy am I glad for that. I'm grateful that she's not severely retarded or is missing limbs or something. Hopefully with intensive intervention she will learn to do some basic things. I'd just like to know why this is happening and what I can do about.
I also hope in six months I can read this and think - man, I had nothing to worry about.
But right now I feel like I'm even losing hope for that. :/
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1 comment:
Oh, Sonia, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds so hard. And yes, you do have to care for yourself too. I mean, and you're just talking about the basics! I hope that there is some encouragement and help in your and Madi's near future. I hope all the visits to doctors and therapists bring some real reassurance, or at least, some better information.
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