Don't Call it a.....

I was thinking a lot this morning. I was at the gym and feeling pretty weak from the workout I had yesterday. I had time, while sucking in air, to ponder my existence.

I'm stronger than I have ever been. Ever. I screwed up the weight this morning for quads. I was like, gee this is heavy. Maybe because I was doing 20 more lbs than I was supposed to? But I did it.

I'm forty-six. And I don't give up? I remember when I was running more and then got asthma. (I'm not sure how one gets asthma, but whatever adult onset) I ripped my shoulder ligament and I was in pain for years (finally got the right dr and PT). Still didn't stop me. Plantar fasciitis? I was limping for 18 months, wore a boot I couldn't sleep in, every night, and got better. Knees? Ganglionic cysts? Whatever, man. Onward and shit. Fibroids that had me hunched over in pain more days out of the month than not. Surgery saved me. yay! Shingles! In my damn eye. Oh yeah and then the rheumatoid arthritis. Crap.

I don't quit. I don't really know how. (also mad props to the medical professionals in my life) Don't get me wrong. I hurt. But I ask myself if it's enough to stop me and if it's not then on I go.

I feel like there's a metaphor in there somewhere. I know we all get dealt shitty hands in life. Not everyone survives their cancer treatment, or even childbirth. But you don't know where you'll end up. Keep trying. One foot in front of the other. Or as my hero Giles Corey would say: "more weight"

Nothing. That's what's going right today.

So, wow. I haven't posted anything since last June. Well, it's not like anyone follows this. Anyhoo, onwards.

Madi has been having a rough week which I chalk up to the time change. Fecking DST. This morning, she sits on the sofa and there's a blue cup next to her (boy, will I rue this observation). "Hey Madi, look at your clue cup."

She looks at it. "Blue cup please."

"um, that is your blue cup."

"Blue Cup Please!"

"Uh okay, but like that's a blue cup."

"BLUE CUP PLEASE"

Off we go in search of a mythical blue cup. We have to climb over a mountain of sheets because her diaper leaked last night. Which reminds me that I need to start a laundry. Anyway, no blue cup.

"Come on, Madi, let's go to school."

"BLLLLUUUUUUUEEEEE CCUUUUUPPPPP PPLLEEEEEAASSSSEEEEE"

Holy #*$&(#

"How about a cookie?"

Her cookie broke so she had to go and steal the rest of them. Fine. Just fine, like let's get this horribly written reality tv show out to the car. She refused to get into her seat. At this point, I text her teacher to say that I'm not sure when we're going to get there. Which means, of course, that now she'll get into her seat when I ask her to. *steam coming out of my ears*

Yes, we made it to school. It should be noted that Madi only likes Juicyfruit gum.

OMG This is also how she's been:

I thought she had gum in her mouth when I was giving her meds one night. She kind of hid it from me (I didn't care, I just asked her to open her mouth) but then I saw her move it across the front of her mouth. I said "you have gum!". She took it out and threw it at me. I'm not exaggerating.

Monday she was a mess. The bus aide said Madi's classroom aide got Madi to the bus and then took off. Madi threw herself on the floor of the bus. She's like 80lbs. The bus aide can't lift her so she said "You'd better get up and in your seat or your going back to class and waiting for your momma!" Madi got up and in her seat and said "go home". Whew.

This kid.

Everyone else is just keeping on keeping on.